


The Day Dean Winchester’s Soul was Gone for Good

by divinemythopoeia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Wings, Angst, Blood, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Chuck as God, Chuck’s ending, Coda, Evil Chuck Shurley, First Kiss, Love Confession, M/M, Purgatory, Souls, jack and sam are dead, purgatory mention, takes place after 15x09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22543381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divinemythopoeia/pseuds/divinemythopoeia
Summary: Castiel hated that he was crying. He hated that he could feel Dean’s blood soaking through his own clothes. He hated that this moment, this little confirmation they both longed for. The idea of it all, just like the world around them, was burning down,. The idea that it would be the best moment in their lives was gone. They should’ve known it would happen like this.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	The Day Dean Winchester’s Soul was Gone for Good

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first post on ao3 so I hope you enjoy reading
> 
> honestly wasn’t expecting to write anything I actually would want to share, but it just came to me all at once and I was surprised I actually didn’t hate what I wrote

Dean’s amulet. A cold piece of jewelry that is like ice against Castiel’s palm, burning into his hand like a brand. Instead of casting it away, he closes his palm around it.

What happened yesterday. Dean. The way he died. The despair Cas feels twists in him. 

No. Please. Not Dean.  
Every inch of his body is consumed by grief. Castiel’s heart will never heal.

Dear God please not Dean.

The less confusing Cas’s feelings for Dean became the more it hurt. But it’s nothing compared to the kind of hurt he feels now, knowing that Dean felt the same.

Not Dean.  
The way his knees buckled beneath him, too  
weak to stand as the blood drained from him.  
He clutched the amulet in his hand harder.  
Dean.

The fire in Dean not dimming, not even for a second as Castiel cradled his body. With his arms wrapped firmly around him, Dean’s back against Castiel’s chest, he buried his head in Dean’s hair. 

And Chuck just laughed, a nasty little laugh that left Cas nauseous. And before disappearing, he uttered, “You cannot beat me if you have nothing left to fight for.”

He isn’t even sure what he said after that, but he knows every word Dean said.

“I’m such a coward,” He said with a weak chuckle.

Cas remembers being confused. He remembers being angry. 

“Rowena was right. God, I hate saying that,” Another small laugh, “But she was right. I’m a god damn coward.”

He was so angry.

“Should’ve told ya. I really should’ve. I’m a coward.”

“You’re saying that now? After all this? Dean–“ The dying man in his arms hastily interjected. 

“–I gotta say something and don’t stop me this time. Please let me say it,” He pleaded.

Cas’s heart sunk, his lips instinctively forming the words he had spoken just a few months back in purgatory, 

“You don’t have to say it.”

Castiel, with every fiber of his being, didn’t want Dean to say it. Not now. Not under these circumstances. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. He was supposed to say it after they won. They were supposed to win. 

“I love you, Cas. I’ve loved you for so damn long. This is so unfair for you, I’m so fucking sorry I‘m saying it like this.” 

The anger in Dean’s shaky voice was too much for Cas, his eyes filled with tears despite his best effort to keep it contained. 

Castiel hated that he was crying. He hated that he could feel Dean’s blood soaking through his own clothes. He hated that this moment, this little confirmation they both longed for. The idea of it all was burning down, just like the world around them. The idea that it would be the best moment in their lives was gone. They should’ve known it would happen like this. 

“It’s okay Dean, I understand. You weren’t ready before.” 

“I wanted to,” He reassured, “I wanted to so bad. But things just kept on coming and I couldn’t tell you. Not if I could lose you.”

“And now I’m losing you,” Cas said as a particularly loud sob broke through his carefully locked away grief. 

Dean flinched as if Cas crying was too painful to bear. The man was bleeding out and yet that kind of pain was manageable. It was seeing Castiel’s emotional pain that was too much for him.

“You’ve lived eons without me. You can do it again.”

“I don’t want to. I’d rather have just a single day with you than a million years in heaven.”

“You don’t gotta flatter a man just ‘cause he’s dying.”

Unable to reach Dean’s lips because of the awkward positioning of their bodies, Cas opted for a delicate kiss in his hair. They both knew what it meant. And in this moment, it was more than enough. 

“My love for you is everlasting and bright, Dean Winchester. Even if I live through another millennia I will forever remember the man with the bright green eyes and freckles like the stars. I will forever remember the man who made me feel emotions for the first time and fiercely cared about me when no one else did. I will forever remember you.”

His sadness quickly turned into rage the more he spoke. He was so consumed in emotion he didn’t notice his wings — his true wings – bursting from his back in expanse of black feathers. 

Dean’s eyes were wide and he smiled a wicked smile, unable to contain his childish glee even for his final moments he said, “I knew your wings would be beautiful.”

That was the last thing Dean Winchester said. 

The pain of watching Dean’s soul not go to heaven or hell, but completely burn out was unlike any other pain Castiel had felt. He had never wished to be human until then, but with his black wings casting a shadow over Dean’s body and the most intense sorrow festering in every atom within him, he wished — hell he even prayed — he was human. 

He didn’t want to be an angel. He didn’t want these wings. He didn’t want these powers. He didn’t want to see the most beautiful soul in all of creation burn out in front of him.

Castiel got onto his feet and carried Dean to the Impala to take him for a final hunters funeral.

Seeing Dean’s face with his eyes still open, a sad smile made it’s way to Castiel’s face because even though the life in his eyes was gone, they were still the greenest eyes Castiel ever saw.

The amulet in his hand is now cutting against his palm, breaking him away from the memory. He releases it from his grip, the small gash healing in a matter of seconds.

He safely tucks the amulet into his trench coat pocket before entering the Impala. It feels wrong to be driving Dean’s car, his wings straining against the confines of the car, but it’s almost comforting in a way. It’s grounding. 

He’s able to say confidently, with the ache still throbbing in his heart, “I’ll beat Chuck because now I am not afraid to lose.”


End file.
